Einstein's Chauffeur

When Albert Einstein is making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually finds himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as he is being driven to yet another boring dinner, Einstein mentions to his chauffer ( a man who somewhat resembles Einstein in looks and manner) that he is tired of speech making.
"I have an idea, boss," his chauffer says. 'I have heard you give this speech so many times, I will bet I could give it for you.'
Einstein laughs loudly and says, 'why not? Lets do it!'
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein puts on the chauffer's cap and jacket and sits in the back of the room. The chauffer gives a beautiful performance of Einstein's speech and even answers a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely self-important professor asks an extremely complicated question about antimatter formation, stop to talk about something else here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he is nobody's fool.
Without a moment's hesitation, the chauffer fixes the professor with a steely stare and says, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffer, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

hahaha ... :)

Job Benefits

Theo Paphitis, an entrepreneur well known for turning failing companies into highly successful and profitable businesses, has a motto: 'There are three reasons to be in business. To make money, to have fun and to make money.' And here are some examples of the fun reason, funny business :)

Job Benefits
During a job interview, an applicant inquires about the benefits. The Personal Manager informs her they have group health and life insurance, but the costs are deducted from the employees' pay. The applicant says, "My last company had full health coverage, as well as five year's salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."
"Then why would you leave a job with such benefits?" the interview asks back.
The applicant shrugs and says, "The company went bankrupt."

ha .. Ha .. ha .. :) :)

Florist Mistake

Theo Paphitis, an entrepreneur well known for turning failing companies into highly successful and profitable businesses, has a motto: 'There are three reasons to be in business. To make money, to have fun and to make money.' And here are some examples of the fun reason. (Funny Business)

Florist Mistake
On opening his new store, a man receives a bouquet of flowers. He becomes dismayed on reading the enclosed card because it expresses "Deepest Sympathy." While puzzling over the message, his telephone rings. It is the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.
"Oh, it's alright," says the store owner.
"I'm a businessman and I understand these things can happen."
'But,' adds the florist, 'I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party.'
"Well, what did it say?" asks the store owner.
'Congratulations on your new location,' is the reply.

ha ha .. funny

Bring My Horse back or Else!

A big, burly cowboy had been in the saloon for a long time and decided that it was time, once again to head for the hills. He walked through the swing doors and immediately noticed that his horse had disappeared from the rail.
"OK", he shouted, re-entering the crowded bar, 'I'm gonna have one more drink and if my horse ain't back by then, the same thing will happen here that happened in Texas City.'
With that, several of the cowboys ran out of the saloon and within minutes one had returned to tell him that they'd found his horse for him. As he turned to leave the bartender stopped him,"Execuse me, stranger" he said, 'But what happened in Texas City?'

The cowboy replied: 'I had to walk home!'

ha ha .. Jokes

Chicken Said

Cock-a-doodle-doo
This funny, mmm ... rather embarrassing, story happened when I was in primary school. It was a long time ago. Actually, I have a poor memory, so normally an old story like what I am about to share with you should have been easily forgotten. But not this story. Having lots of brothers makes the embarrassment linger.
Why? because they keep referring to it .. even when we have all grown up now!

Here's the story. Back then I was very smitten with foreign languages, especially English. It was no strange thing for my brothers to see me absorbed in watching TV programs for hours, especially documentaries.
Why, they were mostly in English! (Dubbing was not a common practice back then). One afternoon, my brothers and I watched a documentary about poultry. As the show got to the part when a rooster was crowing, I sat bolt upright on my chair.
"Did you hear that? Chickens in Europe also crow in Indonesian!" I shouted excitedly. My brothers looked bewildered. So I explained to them, "That chicken on TV has just crowed like a chicken in Indonesia, kukuruyuk. I thought it would be doing it in English."

The room exploded with my brothers' laughter.

Read and baca this article

Adopting a Baby

An American couple is delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby comes to an end. The adoption center calls and tell them that they have a wonderful Russian Baby boy, and the couple takes him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stop by the local college to enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk asks,
" Whatever possessed you to study Russian ?"
The couple proudly say, "We have just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

:-)jokes in family

Jokes in Family

It happens in the Family

What does a child means to its family ? probably it's their most precious possession. Stories about a family with child may effect you in many ways. Sometimes thay make you sad, or angry, but sometimes they also make you Laugh. You will Love the following tales.

Woman is on a Bus
A woman gets on a bus holding a baby.
The Bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

Angrily, the woman slams her fare into the fare box and takes an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her senses that she is agitated and asks her what is wrong.
"The Bus driver insulted me," she fumes.
The man sympathizes and says, " Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
" You are right," She says. " I think I will go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's the good idea." the man syas.
" Here, let me hold your MONKEY "
:-) :)

Anekdot , Joke about Flight

SHARK REPELENT

Flight 50 has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom : "Ladies and gentleman, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water."

"Oh, stewardess! Are there any sharks in the Ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified.
"Yes, I am afraid there are some. but not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just the gel onto your arms and legs."
"And if I do this, the Sharks won't eat me?" asks the little lady.
"Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much."
:) :)

AUTO PILOT

HE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH FAITH IN THEM

At a software engineering management course in the United States of America, the participants are given an awkward question to answer.
" If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately ?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, one man sits motionless. When asked what he would do, he replies, "I would be quite content to stay onboard. With this team's software, the plane is unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off."

Joke

PILOT TO TOWER

" Pilot to Tower ! Pilot to Tower ! I am 300 miles from land. Six Hundred feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct !"

" Tower to Pilot. Tower to Pilot. Repeat after me, "Our Father, Who art in heaven ... "

Flight Jokes

An Emergency Landing

When an airliner encounters severe turbulence in flight, the captain urgently announces, "Ladies and Gentleman, we are going to have an emergency landing. Please be seated and fasten your seatbelt,"

Immediately, the vibration stops. A passenger then hastily emerges from a lavatory. Knowing that he has been a long time in the lav, a stewardess asks him, "Are you all righht, Sir?" You were there awfully long ! It is good thing the turbulence has stopped now!"
"Oh, yeah." the man sheepishly explains. "I was just doing a little jogging in place in there."